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mephestophelesTitle: With the weight of a freight Train
Author:mephestopheles
Rating: xXx
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Warnings: Angst, graphic sex
Spoilers: post 4.20 and just to be safe 4.21
Summary: Dean realizes his feelings. It all goes down hill from there.
Notes: inspired by a quote from Sandman. See quote Below:
Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...
You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.
~ in Sandman: The Kindly Ones by Neil Gaiman
I serve Heaven, I don't serve man. And I certainly, don't serve you.
It doesn't hurt right away. Not even an hour later. Dean's too focused on getting to Bobby's. Dealing with the aftermath of Sam sucking blood from some demon's neck. He's hanging onto a thread as he drives through the night, trying to keep his thoughts to himself. Everything is spinning through his mind, mostly recriminations. Why didn't he see it before. This obviously wasn't the first time that Sam did this. If Ruby was nearby he'd strangle her with his bare hands.
His grip tightens on the wheel and he speeds up. It's been a long night, and it's going to just get longer.
***
It's when Sam is stuck locked away and Dean's still pacing a hole in Bobby's floor that he knows something is fucked up. Bobby's barking at him to find a place to park it, but Dean has too much nervous energy. He keeps going back over what Cas might have wanted before getting sucked back to heaven. What he said last. It's weird; Dean knows he should be happy, ecstatic even. He no longer has to deal with that meddling angel over his shoulder, no longer has to deal with missives from heaven cramping everything in his life. All he feels though is. . . empty. There's this hollow point in his chest and it's digging deeper.
Dean tries to drown it with alcohol, but it doesn't work and when he wakes up he has to deal with not only a hangover but that hollow ache. Several times throughout the day he finds he's rubbing his chest, and isn't that the weirdest thing. What weirder, he decides later, is rubbing the mark on his shoulder. Now that is some seriously fucked up shit. So he goes outside and starts working on the car for something to do.
It's worse outside, the sun on his face, the wind. His attention isn't on the impala - a blasphemy all its own - it's on the smallest of sounds. He's waiting to hear - nothing. That tell-tale sign that Castiel is just there. But he doesn't come. And Dean can't figure out why it's getting harder to breathe.
He tries to tell himself it's Sam he's worried about. His baby brother is addicted to fucking Demon blood and that is all kinds of fucked up. But he hasn't really thought about Sam in the last hour, let alone the last three. He can't seem to get Cas out of his head. The last words he spoke are spinning around in his head like a really cruel recording.
If this was happening to anyone else he'd make some joke about them being a girl and getting all mopey for being dumped. But Dean doesn't get dumped, except that one time in High School and that totally didn't count. And really Cas didn't dump him, that is totally ridiculous.
Then why did he feel like everything just fell apart around him?
Dean curses, and throws the beer bottle at the ground, watching it smash into tiny pieces. He grabs his jacket from the inside the house and yells that he's going out.
The drive doesn't help, all he wants to do is floor it and let everything else just disappear. The more he tries to enjoy the drive, the more he can feel the mark on his shoulder. Burning like a brand and just as fucking permanent. He can't get Cas off his mind or his body.
***
He parks near an abandoned warehouse, grabs a six pack and goes to a secluded place away from prying eyes. By the third beer he's screaming at the sky, yelling himself hoarse. He curses the angels, god, everyone, especially Cas. In the end he's just screaming at Cas. Which is just fucking girly, but Dean blames it on the beer and keeps going.
He feels it before he sees him. That sensation that he's not alone. "You gonna bitch at me for drinking? Or maybe for the blasphemy?" He doesn't get anything more past his lips before Castiel has him pinned hard against the wall. Now he's done it, he's pretty sure Cas is going to send him back to hell all expenses paid.
And then the world flips upside down and Cas' lips are against his bruising and painful. Dean digs his hands into that ridiculous trench coat and groans like he's dying. And maybe he is, but he can't seem to care, not when Cas' hands are all over him and he's clinging to the angel like he's the only thing in the world.
Dean manages to get his hands between them and he's tugging at Castiel's tie and trying to unbutton his shirt. Suddenly clothes become a non issue and they're just gone. Cas' hands are everywhere and Dean's rocking against Castiel's hip. Dean can feel Cas shudder under him and that alone is almost enough to make Dean come. To have Cas this affected is beyond what he dreamed possible.
Dean attacks Cas' neck and bites hard. Castiel's fucking purring as he lifts Dean's legs around his waist. There's nothing gentle in Castiel and Dean has no warning before he's feeling every inch of Castiel buried deep inside him. It fucking hurts, but it's so fucking good. Dean's screaming and groaning and shuddering against Castiel. He's pretty sure he's going to be left with bruises in interesting places by the time this is over but he wants those marks, needs them.
Castiel sets a punishing pace and all Dean can do is hold on and moan. He's so close to coming his breaths come out in stuttering gasps. What air he can get in his lungs isn't nearly enough but he doesn't want Cas to stop. Dean thinks he might have yelled that, but he's not sure what he's saying anymore. He can't hold on anymore and he comes between them screaming his orgasm as he digs his fingers into Cas' shoulders.
Cas is following him and letting out a groan as they slide down to the floor. Dean thinks he should maybe say something, anything so they can get past this near chick flick moment of post coital bliss. But Castiel has other plans and he holds Dean's face so fucking gently, like he's made of glass or some fucked up shit like that.
"Shut up, just shut up," Castiel whispers against Dean's lips. And it's perfect. And that's when it hits him. With the weight of freight train against his chest. Love. But it's not so bad right now. He can barely breathe, but Cas is right there with him. For how long Dean isn't sure, but he's there. He presses his forehead against Castiel's and takes a deep shuddering breath. And he shuts up, for now.
Author:
mephestophelesRating: xXx
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Warnings: Angst, graphic sex
Spoilers: post 4.20 and just to be safe 4.21
Summary: Dean realizes his feelings. It all goes down hill from there.
Notes: inspired by a quote from Sandman. See quote Below:
Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...
You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.
~ in Sandman: The Kindly Ones by Neil Gaiman
I serve Heaven, I don't serve man. And I certainly, don't serve you.
It doesn't hurt right away. Not even an hour later. Dean's too focused on getting to Bobby's. Dealing with the aftermath of Sam sucking blood from some demon's neck. He's hanging onto a thread as he drives through the night, trying to keep his thoughts to himself. Everything is spinning through his mind, mostly recriminations. Why didn't he see it before. This obviously wasn't the first time that Sam did this. If Ruby was nearby he'd strangle her with his bare hands.
His grip tightens on the wheel and he speeds up. It's been a long night, and it's going to just get longer.
***
It's when Sam is stuck locked away and Dean's still pacing a hole in Bobby's floor that he knows something is fucked up. Bobby's barking at him to find a place to park it, but Dean has too much nervous energy. He keeps going back over what Cas might have wanted before getting sucked back to heaven. What he said last. It's weird; Dean knows he should be happy, ecstatic even. He no longer has to deal with that meddling angel over his shoulder, no longer has to deal with missives from heaven cramping everything in his life. All he feels though is. . . empty. There's this hollow point in his chest and it's digging deeper.
Dean tries to drown it with alcohol, but it doesn't work and when he wakes up he has to deal with not only a hangover but that hollow ache. Several times throughout the day he finds he's rubbing his chest, and isn't that the weirdest thing. What weirder, he decides later, is rubbing the mark on his shoulder. Now that is some seriously fucked up shit. So he goes outside and starts working on the car for something to do.
It's worse outside, the sun on his face, the wind. His attention isn't on the impala - a blasphemy all its own - it's on the smallest of sounds. He's waiting to hear - nothing. That tell-tale sign that Castiel is just there. But he doesn't come. And Dean can't figure out why it's getting harder to breathe.
He tries to tell himself it's Sam he's worried about. His baby brother is addicted to fucking Demon blood and that is all kinds of fucked up. But he hasn't really thought about Sam in the last hour, let alone the last three. He can't seem to get Cas out of his head. The last words he spoke are spinning around in his head like a really cruel recording.
If this was happening to anyone else he'd make some joke about them being a girl and getting all mopey for being dumped. But Dean doesn't get dumped, except that one time in High School and that totally didn't count. And really Cas didn't dump him, that is totally ridiculous.
Then why did he feel like everything just fell apart around him?
Dean curses, and throws the beer bottle at the ground, watching it smash into tiny pieces. He grabs his jacket from the inside the house and yells that he's going out.
The drive doesn't help, all he wants to do is floor it and let everything else just disappear. The more he tries to enjoy the drive, the more he can feel the mark on his shoulder. Burning like a brand and just as fucking permanent. He can't get Cas off his mind or his body.
***
He parks near an abandoned warehouse, grabs a six pack and goes to a secluded place away from prying eyes. By the third beer he's screaming at the sky, yelling himself hoarse. He curses the angels, god, everyone, especially Cas. In the end he's just screaming at Cas. Which is just fucking girly, but Dean blames it on the beer and keeps going.
He feels it before he sees him. That sensation that he's not alone. "You gonna bitch at me for drinking? Or maybe for the blasphemy?" He doesn't get anything more past his lips before Castiel has him pinned hard against the wall. Now he's done it, he's pretty sure Cas is going to send him back to hell all expenses paid.
And then the world flips upside down and Cas' lips are against his bruising and painful. Dean digs his hands into that ridiculous trench coat and groans like he's dying. And maybe he is, but he can't seem to care, not when Cas' hands are all over him and he's clinging to the angel like he's the only thing in the world.
Dean manages to get his hands between them and he's tugging at Castiel's tie and trying to unbutton his shirt. Suddenly clothes become a non issue and they're just gone. Cas' hands are everywhere and Dean's rocking against Castiel's hip. Dean can feel Cas shudder under him and that alone is almost enough to make Dean come. To have Cas this affected is beyond what he dreamed possible.
Dean attacks Cas' neck and bites hard. Castiel's fucking purring as he lifts Dean's legs around his waist. There's nothing gentle in Castiel and Dean has no warning before he's feeling every inch of Castiel buried deep inside him. It fucking hurts, but it's so fucking good. Dean's screaming and groaning and shuddering against Castiel. He's pretty sure he's going to be left with bruises in interesting places by the time this is over but he wants those marks, needs them.
Castiel sets a punishing pace and all Dean can do is hold on and moan. He's so close to coming his breaths come out in stuttering gasps. What air he can get in his lungs isn't nearly enough but he doesn't want Cas to stop. Dean thinks he might have yelled that, but he's not sure what he's saying anymore. He can't hold on anymore and he comes between them screaming his orgasm as he digs his fingers into Cas' shoulders.
Cas is following him and letting out a groan as they slide down to the floor. Dean thinks he should maybe say something, anything so they can get past this near chick flick moment of post coital bliss. But Castiel has other plans and he holds Dean's face so fucking gently, like he's made of glass or some fucked up shit like that.
"Shut up, just shut up," Castiel whispers against Dean's lips. And it's perfect. And that's when it hits him. With the weight of freight train against his chest. Love. But it's not so bad right now. He can barely breathe, but Cas is right there with him. For how long Dean isn't sure, but he's there. He presses his forehead against Castiel's and takes a deep shuddering breath. And he shuts up, for now.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 04:15 am (UTC)And I think I'm going into Supernatural withdrawal now. I need these two back D:
no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 12:14 pm (UTC)And I know! I have half the season saved on my dvr, I've watched "The Rapture" five times (three this weekend) and it's just get more painful everytime I watch it. D:
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Date: 2009-06-09 04:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 12:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 04:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 12:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 06:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 12:18 pm (UTC)I figure angels have a certain degree of telepathy, especially if they can listen in on prayers, so with Dean practically screaming a litany (subconsciously or not) at him, it's all Cas can think to say before he gets another earful. Lol
no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 07:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 12:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 12:02 pm (UTC)Perfect written and very authentic; thankx for 100% EL DEANO!^^
*huggles*
no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 12:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 12:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 12:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 12:53 pm (UTC)Glad you liked it! ^_^
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Date: 2009-06-09 02:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-10 06:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 03:49 pm (UTC)Oh, Dean.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-10 06:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 04:57 pm (UTC)i gonna cry...
*saves*
that's so painful... ;_; I really liked it.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-10 06:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 05:45 pm (UTC)Finally somebody who tells Dean what to do!!
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Date: 2009-06-10 06:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 07:21 pm (UTC)I loved it!
no subject
Date: 2009-06-10 06:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 08:27 pm (UTC)You know, Castiel saying things like this just kills me. This was hot and sad and kind of like a freight train. Excellent!
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Date: 2009-06-10 06:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-09 08:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-10 08:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-10 03:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-10 08:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-10 05:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-10 08:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-10 08:10 pm (UTC)Sharon
no subject
Date: 2009-06-10 08:16 pm (UTC)